Intoxicated Quotes.

[Scott Trainer]

You all know youve said some dumb things or have that friend that always gets trashed and babbles like an idiot. Share some of it.

"Yo, did you fart?"
"No..."
"Then whats that smell? Did I fart?"

Me and my friend were at a burger king and he just turned to the lady standing next to us and said "Yeah. Sorry about that." And just stared at her. I asked him about it later and apparently he thought she asked if he bumped into her.

 

[Bennett_J]

Check out the drunk resource and parts of the marijuana thread, you will find plenty of these

 

[issac miller]

so i sat on my girlfriends lap when i was real drunk and i guess i farted and this was my quote
"i'm too drunk i can't help ittttttt"

 

[tylerbillman]

"Yo."


"Fuck you."






"Nahhhh I'm just kidding man hahahahahahahaha"

 

[Bear Grylls]

When we were smoking,
"Is anyone else high? Because I'm fucking destroyed!" - zach!
" It hit me like a train!" also zach haha

 

[Bennett_J]

Actually, look at Alex's and Jon.'s signatures, you will see the glory of towely (my intoxicated nickname)

 

[alexscooter]

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[Scott Trainer]

"you better mind your P's and Q's before I punch ya in the mouth."

 

[Patscooters]

"fuck off"

 

[Juan.]

"Dude i just jizzed. Let me get some of your hair"
"Dude you have plenty of hair, just cut some off..... Or better yet, cut your dick off and sew it to your forehead That way you look like a..... a..... a FUCKIN UNICORN!"

Truestoy.

 

[R-Dubya]

My friend makes up breakdowns when he's really high. Some of the classics include: "When the bell tolls, the world shall burn" and "She is satan's bride, burn her".

 

[Joey Wallace]

i gotta take a shit mang

 

[rudyvargas]

I'm about to sitch blap you- my buddy Jordan to his little bro

 

[cas13]

"I'm so tired I could eat a horse."

"I'm as stoned as a kite."

Both of these were from the same, brilliant soul.

 

[parrish]

Wakes up next to my friends little sister's Taylor Swift poster, hungover, "where am I, man?"

 

[BenJelinek]

My friend makes up breakdowns when he's really high. Some of the classics include: "When the bell tolls, the world shall burn" and "She is satan's bride, burn her".

Hahahahahahahahahahaha

 

[Kieran Mayhew]

Drunk at a park at 4am, cops come, they ask:

"What are you doing?"

My reply

"Just playing, you?"

 

[TomGeorge]

Some random guy: hey mate gimme a blowjob
Me: haha, sorry man I'm not gay
Guy: oh, sorry
*guy turns around to my mate*
Guy: oi, pretty boy, suck ma cock

I pissed myself cause I was the only one vaguely sober

 

[Scott Trainer]

"You better calm down or Im gonna shit in your mustache while you sleep."

 

[Kieran Mayhew]

"How the fuck did the cards end up behind the radiator?"