The Lame Jokes Thread.
- Thread starter Aaron
- Start date
a norwejan guy, polish guy, and an american guy are in a convertible. the polish guy is driving and he drives off a cliff into a lake. so 20 seconds later the norwejan guy swims up. 30 seconds later the american guy swims up. but like a half hour later, the polish guy come up. the american and norwejan guys ask the polish guy, '' what took you so long? '' he says, '' the door was locked. ''
there are 3 chinese guys. one works at a music store and he only knows how to say: me me me meee!!! [in a musical voice]. one works at a comic book store and only knows how to say, '' superman! '' the last guy works at a supermarket and only knows how to say, '' fork and knife, fork and knife! '' so there all walking home one day and they come upon a dead body. a cop walks up and asks, '' who killed this man? '' the music stor guy says, '' me me me eeee!! '' the cop says, '' whad you kill him with? '' the food store guy says, '' fork and knife, fork and knife! '' the cop says in an angry voice, '' WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! '' the guy that works at the comic book store says, '' superman!! ''
=) i', still trying to think of more.
there are 3 chinese guys. one works at a music store and he only knows how to say: me me me meee!!! [in a musical voice]. one works at a comic book store and only knows how to say, '' superman! '' the last guy works at a supermarket and only knows how to say, '' fork and knife, fork and knife! '' so there all walking home one day and they come upon a dead body. a cop walks up and asks, '' who killed this man? '' the music stor guy says, '' me me me eeee!! '' the cop says, '' whad you kill him with? '' the food store guy says, '' fork and knife, fork and knife! '' the cop says in an angry voice, '' WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! '' the guy that works at the comic book store says, '' superman!! ''
=) i', still trying to think of more.
humpurple kushiones
Steel Member
So there's these 2 muffins in an oven.
They're both sitting, just chilling and getting baked.
And one of them yells "God Damn, it's hot in here!"
And the other muffin replies "Holy Crap, a talking muffin!"
--------------------------------------------------------
A 6-year-old and a 4-year-old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6-year-old. "I think it's about time we start cussing." The 4-year-old nods his head in approval. The 6-year-old continues. "When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm going to say hell and you say ass."
"OK!" The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
Their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6-year-old what he wants for breakfast. "Aw hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."
WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear every step. The mom locks him in his room and shouts "You can just stay there till I let you out!"
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4-year-old, and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast young man?
"I don't know," he blubbers, "But you can bet your ass it won't be Cheerios!"
They're both sitting, just chilling and getting baked.
And one of them yells "God Damn, it's hot in here!"
And the other muffin replies "Holy Crap, a talking muffin!"
--------------------------------------------------------
A 6-year-old and a 4-year-old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6-year-old. "I think it's about time we start cussing." The 4-year-old nods his head in approval. The 6-year-old continues. "When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm going to say hell and you say ass."
"OK!" The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
Their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6-year-old what he wants for breakfast. "Aw hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."
WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear every step. The mom locks him in his room and shouts "You can just stay there till I let you out!"
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4-year-old, and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast young man?
"I don't know," he blubbers, "But you can bet your ass it won't be Cheerios!"
redline582
Member
thats a good oneJimmy. said:
humpurple kushiones
Steel Member
this is your thread. all the jokes you put up make me lol
Aaron
Silver Member
Whats the difference between a baby and fridge?
The fridge doesn't scream when you put your meat in it.
What's more fun than nailing a baby to a fence?
Peeling it back down.
What's more fun than watching a baby swing from a washing line?
Stopping it with a shovel.
Whats the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.
How do you stop a baby drowning?
Take your foot off its head.
The fridge doesn't scream when you put your meat in it.
What's more fun than nailing a baby to a fence?
Peeling it back down.
What's more fun than watching a baby swing from a washing line?
Stopping it with a shovel.
Whats the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.
How do you stop a baby drowning?
Take your foot off its head.
Jordan Jasa
Silver Member
What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk.
Whats pink and fluffy?
Pink fluff.
Whats blue and fluffy?
Pink fluff holding its breath.
Why do elephants lie on their backs?
To trip the birds of course.
One time, I found a baby snake.
How did you know it was a baby?
I heard its rattle.
One day, Cindy McCain was tending to the flowers in the front lawn when John came out running to the mailbox. He opened it, gave a look of puzzlement, then ran back inside. A minute later, he storms back out, opening the mailbox again, finding nothing. He rushes back in the house, and appears quickly again outside. Cindy asks: whats wrong? John replies: its that newfangled computer. It keeps saying "you've got mail!".
A walk.
Whats pink and fluffy?
Pink fluff.
Whats blue and fluffy?
Pink fluff holding its breath.
Why do elephants lie on their backs?
To trip the birds of course.
One time, I found a baby snake.
How did you know it was a baby?
I heard its rattle.
One day, Cindy McCain was tending to the flowers in the front lawn when John came out running to the mailbox. He opened it, gave a look of puzzlement, then ran back inside. A minute later, he storms back out, opening the mailbox again, finding nothing. He rushes back in the house, and appears quickly again outside. Cindy asks: whats wrong? John replies: its that newfangled computer. It keeps saying "you've got mail!".
corruptedrapture
Member
how do you fit 4 gay people on a stool?
you flip it over
2 gay people are "rough housing" one of them stops to go to the bathroom, a few minutes later the other one goes to the bathroom too. he sees something on the floor and goes back to the other guy and asks "why was there semen all over the floor?" he replies "i farted"
_----------------------
no offence to any
you flip it over
2 gay people are "rough housing" one of them stops to go to the bathroom, a few minutes later the other one goes to the bathroom too. he sees something on the floor and goes back to the other guy and asks "why was there semen all over the floor?" he replies "i farted"
_----------------------
no offence to any
Max Margalit
Member
What's worse than having a worm in your apple?
Getting raped.
Getting raped.
Aaron
Silver Member
Who's fault is it if a man runs over a woman?
The mans, what is he doing driving in the kitchen..?
What do you do if a woman is yelling at you in the loungeroom?
Tighten the chain.
Why don't women own watches?
There is a clock on the stove.
Why don't women own cars?
There's no road between the Kitchen and the bedroom.
Sorry margaret <33 hahaha.
The mans, what is he doing driving in the kitchen..?
What do you do if a woman is yelling at you in the loungeroom?
Tighten the chain.
Why don't women own watches?
There is a clock on the stove.
Why don't women own cars?
There's no road between the Kitchen and the bedroom.
Sorry margaret <33 hahaha.
Spencer281
Member
whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and a pile of bowling balls?
You cant pick up bowling balls with a pitch fork
whats a onea fish plus a onea flish
A tuna fish
how do you know you're at a gay church?
only half the people are kneeling
why do black people have white palms?
because everyone has a little bit of good in them
You cant pick up bowling balls with a pitch fork
whats a onea fish plus a onea flish
A tuna fish
how do you know you're at a gay church?
only half the people are kneeling
why do black people have white palms?
because everyone has a little bit of good in them
asianpuff16
Member
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
...a stick
...a stick
Joe Hilditch
Member
whats michael jackson's favourite animal?
...a zebra
...a zebra
39....... the number of posts that dont have
"your mom" in them.
wow im proud of you guys. i was positive that was gonna be like the 3rd one. hahaha
"your mom" in them.
wow im proud of you guys. i was positive that was gonna be like the 3rd one. hahaha